《Educated》《你当像鸟飞往你的山》读后感 + 书中人物的书评

很好的信息，尽管一些支持信息并不完全准确 -Tyler W.
作者：亚马逊客户于 2018 年 2 月 26 日
格式：精装|验证购买

首先，让我表明身份。 我是 Tyler Westover，本书中的三号弟兄。 阅读其他评论，很明显这本书已经变得非常有争议。 当我们遇到我们强烈反对的人时，一个自然的倾向是试图将这些人非人化为肮脏的怪物。 我们经常在政治以及关于土地和其他自然资源的争论中看到这种行为。 我写这篇评论的目的不是要证明任何一方都错了； 相反，它是将双方的人“人性化”，同时也提供了争论双方的人可能会同意的部分观点。 有几个问题阻止了这成为一个完整的视角。
我将首先引用我在 2016 年 2 月 21 日发送给 Tara 的一封电子邮件。我仍然有同样的感受。 以下是我发送的便条的摘录：
“总的来说，我喜欢这本书，希望我们都能理解它。 它不仅包含重要信息，而且写作风格和描述也很吸引人。 ……我可以在第 1 部分添加一些细节：爱达荷州。 对于你早先的记忆，我已经足够大了，可以接触到更多的信息，我可以澄清一下。 不过，我不确定我是否会建议对您的文本进行太多更改，因为我的添加也会增加复杂性。 通常在科学和工程项目的报告中，我们遵循所谓的“80/20 法则”，即报告着重于关键信息和要点，而故意为一般受众遗漏看似矛盾或过于复杂的信息。 事实上，在一个复杂的情况下，几乎没有人能够理解所有的细节，除非听众特别需要尝试掌握细节，否则通常最好关注潜在的主题。 我认为您遵循 80/20 规则做得很好。 如果您愿意，我可以发送您可以包含在附录中或作为出版说明的说明。 正如你提到的，我们对同一事件有不同的记忆和不同的看法，我知道如果你试图包括我的版本，它可能会干扰你清晰的叙述。”
书中的一些元素被塔拉可能意图的方式误解了，我认为有些事情塔拉误解了自己。 因为教育是本书的主要主题，所以我将在这里提供关于该主题的不同观点。 在撰写此替代观点时，我无意传达塔拉对事件的解释是完全错误的。 我们的父母是极端分子，他们和我们家庭的其他成员做了伤害塔拉的可怕事情。 毫无疑问，有虐待、忽视和其他可怕的选择。 这些事件在 Tara 的书中有所描述，我不会在这里添加关于这些事件的新评论。 当大多数事件发生时，我离家人很远，而且在大多数情况下，我的脑海中并不完全清楚。 如上所述，我打算在这里将我的叙述限制在我的个人经历或我有清楚说明的实际事件上，我希望这些事件不会引起其他相关人员的异议。
正如塔拉所描述的，我们的父亲对政府非常怀疑。 有一次，他告诉我们，他的孩子们，他担心政府的人可能会来到我们家，然后可能会开枪。 然而，他从未说过的话让我相信这种担忧与我们的家庭学校有关。 相反，他引用了查尔顿·赫斯顿 (Charlton Hesston) 的观点，即政府获得枪支的唯一途径是从他“冰冷的死人手中”。 再扩大一点，我们父亲还说他不认为政府会派地方执法人员甚至联邦特工从守法的美国公民手中夺走枪支。 他认为这样的任务更有可能必须由联合国部队来完成。 还应注意的是，所涉枪支不包括大容量半自动步枪，例如用于大规模枪击或为激烈战斗而设计的步枪。 我从未见过我们的父亲拥有这样的武器，据我所知，他也从未拥有过。
关于高等教育，该书的许多读者得出结论，塔拉是在显然无法克服的困难中接受正规高等教育的。也许这毕竟不是那么令人惊讶。在我们家的七个孩子中，有六个参加了正规的高等教育课程（卢克是唯一没有参加的，正如塔拉书中所描述的，课堂教育并不是他真正的事情）。此外，我们的母亲 “Faye “和父亲 “Gene “都至少各上了一年的大学课程。我们的母亲从小就经常鼓励我，准备在我16岁时参加大学课程。另一方面，我们的父亲对与大学教育相关的傲慢以及其对自由主义思想的偏见表示非常不满。
观察我周围的人，似乎大学学位实际上对我们社区的人帮助不大。我所知道的大多数人在获得学位后都回到了他们家庭的农场工作。那些没有回来的人，我真的不知道。由于无法感受到大学学位带来的直接好处，我最初并没有非常认真地考虑高等教育。实际上，我们的父亲是第一个给我一个具体的目的来获得大学学位的人。他告诉我，如果我获得了工程学位，那么我就可以为家族建筑企业的建筑和桥梁设计提供工程印章。我们的父亲主要是为他的生意所建造的棚子和其他定制结构创造自己的设计，但有时他的设计必须由专业工程师盖章。如果我成为一名专业工程师，我不仅可以在我们的设计上盖章，而且我可能还可以在设计上更加灵活，以节省额外的制造材料费用。这个想法引起了我的兴趣，但我担心能否完成一个工程学位。当时，我大约16岁，大学四年的课程似乎是一个很长的时间。我的父母都没有真正毕业。我认为，确保我能够毕业的唯一办法是赢得四年的全额奖学金；最后，我决心这样做。塔拉说得没错，我父亲经常和我争吵，让我去工作而不是学习。
我想要的奖学金（比亚迪大学的理事奖学金）申请的一部分要求写一篇文章，回应布莱斯-帕斯卡尔的一句话。又是我们的父亲就如何处理这篇论文提供了最好的建议。他建议我在犹他州立大学的图书馆里花上一整天时间，阅读所有关于布莱斯-帕斯卡尔的资料，以找到这句话的背景，或许还有其他补充性的引文。我听从了父亲的建议，赢得了奖学金。几年后，当我在比亚迪大学完成工程学士学位时，普渡大学为我提供了研究生院的奖学金。我很想去，但也很犹豫不决。对我来说，重要的是我要嫁给一个与我有共同宗教信仰的人，而这在印第安纳州似乎比在犹他州的可能性要小很多。经过深思熟虑，并听到一些关于在遥远的地方读研究生的负面故事，我几乎决定拒绝普渡大学的邀请，留在犹他州。不过，在我做出最后决定之前，我征求了我父母的意见。他们都建议我去普渡大学。我特别记得我父亲的建议。他告诉我，不要让对未来的恐惧导致我错过这么好的机会。有了这个保证，我决定去了，五年后，我获得了普渡大学的博士学位。
毫无疑问，塔拉与我们的父母谈论高等教育的经历与我的有很大不同。读完一本回忆录，我希望读者对自己对被审视的事件和人物的理解有新的疑问，而不是觉得自己的理解现在已经足以做出准确的判断。每个参与其中的人都有自己的范式和经验。
后记：我收到了一些人对上述评论的负面评论，他们认为我试图将我的经验强加给塔拉。这确实不是我的本意。在她的书中，在许多地方，塔拉为我和我的其他家庭成员解释了我们所做的、所说的、所想的，甚至所感受到的事情。我不能为我的其他家庭成员说话，但就我而言，我认为在许多情况下，她大大错误地传达了我的经历。为了平衡观点，我似乎至少应该尝试分享我的一部分观点，同时仍然尽可能地支持她。我承认这是她的回忆录，她从自己的范式来描述她的经历。然而，我似乎有理由在我的评论中解释我的观点，并概述证明我的观点的有效性的事件。”

英文原文：
Good message, although some supporting information isn’t fully accurate -Tyler W.
ByAmazon Customeron February 26, 2018
Format: Hardcover|Verified Purchase
First, let me identify myself. I am Tyler Westover, brother number three in this book. Reading through other comments, it is clear that the book has become very controversial. A natural tendency when we encounter someone that we disagree strongly with is to attempt to dehumanize those individuals into foul monsters. We see this behavior regularly in politics as well as in arguments over land and other natural resources. My purpose in writing this review is not to try to prove either side wrong; rather, it is to “humanize” the people on both sides, while also providing a partial perspective that people on both sides of the argument may be able to agree with. Several concerns prevent this from being a full perspective.
I will start by quoting an email that I sent to Tara on Feb. 21, 2016. I still mostly feel the same way. Here are excerpts from the note that I sent:
“Overall, I like the book and wish that we could all understand it. It not only contains important messages, but the writing style and descriptions are captivating. … I could add a number of details on Part 1: Idaho. For your earlier memories, I was old enough to have access to more information, and I could clarify. I am not sure that I would recommend changing your text much, though, because my additions would also add complications. Usually in reports of scientific and engineering projects we follow what is known as the “80/20 rule,” which is that reports focus on key messages and points and deliberately leave out seemingly contradictory or excessively complicated information for general audiences. The fact is that practically no-one can understand all of the details in a complicated situation, and focusing on the underlying themes is generally best unless the audience has specific need to try to grasp the details. I think that you did well following the 80/20 rule. If you like I could send clarifying notes that you could include in an appendix or as publication notes. As you mention, we have different memories and different perceptions of the same events, and I recognize that if you try to include my version, it will likely interfere with your clean narrative.”
Some elements in the book have been misinterpreted from the way that Tara likely intended, and I think that some things Tara misunderstood herself. Because education is a primary theme of the book, I will offer a different perspective on that topic here. In writing this alternate perspective, I do not intend to convey that Tara’s interpretation of events is wholly in error. Our parents are extremists, and they and other members of our family have done terrible things that have hurt Tara. There is no doubt there was abuse, neglect, and other awful choices. Those events are described in Tara’s book, and I will not add new comments about those events here. I was removed quite far from the family when most of those events took place, and for the most part they are not entirely clear in my mind. As indicated above, I intend to restrict my narrative here to my personal experiences or actual events for which I have clear accounts that I expect will generate little disagreement from other individuals who were involved.
As Tara describes, our father is very suspicious of the government. At one point, he told us, his children, that he was concerned someone from the government could come to our home and gun shots could be fired. Nothing he ever said, however, led me to believe that this concern was connected with our homeschool. Instead, he referenced Charlton Hesston’s sentiment that the only way the government would get his guns would be from his “cold dead hands.” To expand a little further, our father also said that he did not think that the government would send local law enforcement or even federal agents to take guns away from law-abiding U.S. citizens. He considered it more likely that such a task would have to be fulfilled by troops from the United Nations. It should also be noted that the guns in question did not include high capacity, semi-automatic rifles, such as have been used in mass shootings or are designed for intense combat. I have never seen our father with such a weapon, and as far as I know, he has never owned one.
Regarding higher education, many readers of the book have concluded that Tara attended formal higher education against apparently insurmountable odds. Perhaps it is not that surprising after all. Of the seven children in our family, six of them attended formal higher education classes (Luke is the only one who has not, and as described in Tara’s book, classroom education is not really his thing). In addition, both our mother “Faye” and our father “Gene” attended at least one year of university classes each. Our mother frequently encouraged me from a young age to prepare to attend university classes by the time I was sixteen. On the other hand, our father has expressed great dissatisfaction with the hubris associated with university education as well as its bias toward liberal thinking.
Observing people around me, it seemed that university degrees actually helped very few people in our community. Most individuals that I knew of returned to work on their family’s farm after getting a degree. Those that did not return, I really didn’t know about. Without being able to perceive a direct benefit from a university degree, I did not initially consider higher education very seriously. Our father was actually the person who first gave me a specific purpose to get a university degree. He told me that if I got an engineering degree, then I could provide engineering stamps for building and bridge designs for the family construction business. Our dad mostly created his own designs for sheds and other custom structures that his business built, but sometimes he had to have his designs stamped by a professional engineer. If I became a professional engineer, not only could I stamp our designs, but I could probably also be more flexible in the design to save additional costs in fabrication materials. The idea captured my interest, but I was concerned about being able to finish an engineering degree. At the time, I was about sixteen, and four years of classes in a university seemed like a very long time. Neither of my parents had actually graduated. I considered that the only way to make sure that I could graduate would be to win a four-year full-tuition scholarship; at length, that is what I determined to do. Tara was correct that my father often fought me to go to work rather than study.
Part of the application for the scholarship that I wanted (a Trustee’s scholarship at BYU) required writing an essay response to a quote by Blaise Pascal. Again it was our father who provided the best advice on how to approach the essay. He suggested that I spend a full day in the library at Utah State University to read all I could about Blaise Pascal to find the context of the quote and perhaps additional complementary quotes. I followed my father’s advice and won the scholarship. Years later as I was finishing a bachelor’s degree in engineering at BYU, Purdue University offered me a fellowship for graduate school. I was excited to go but also very hesitant. It was important to me that I marry someone who shared my religious beliefs, and that seemed much less probable in Indiana than in Utah. After much deliberation and hearing some negative stories about graduate school in far-away places, I had almost decided to turn down Purdue’s offer and stay in Utah. Before I made my final decision, though, I consulted my parents for their advice. They both recommended that I go to Purdue. I particularly remember my father’s advice. He told me not to let fear of the future cause me to miss such a great opportunity. With that reassurance, I decided to go, and after five years, I earned a Ph.D. from Purdue.
Undoubtedly, Tara’s experience talking about higher education with our parents was much different than mine. After reading a memoir, I would hope that readers have new questions about their understanding of the events and people being scrutinized rather than feeling confident that their understanding is now sufficient to render accurate judgment. Every person involved has their own paradigm and experiences.
Postscript Note: I have received some negative comments on the review above from people who think that I am trying to impose my experiences on Tara. That really is not my intention. In her book, in numerous places, Tara interprets for me and other members of my family things that we did, said, thought, and even felt. I cannot speak for the other members of my family, but in my case I think in many instances she greatly incorrectly conveyed my experiences. In the interest of a balanced viewpoint, it seems that I should at least attempt to share a part of my perspective, while still supporting her as much as I can. I do recognize this is her memoir, and she describes her experiences from her paradigm. However, it seems reasonable for me to explain my perspective and outline events that demonstrate the validity of my perspective, in my review.”
原文

在本书的一个在线评论论坛上，理查德写道，家庭关系比书中描述的更加 “复杂”。”塔拉正在用她所知道的做最好的事情，为此我也给她点赞。” 他最后说：”对你来说，这只是一本书，对它进行咆哮是很便宜的。对我来说，这是我的生活，我仍然在过着它。”
——
In an online review forum for “Educated,” Richard wrote that the family relationship is more “complicated” than the book portrays. “Tara is doing the best she can with what she knows and I give her kudos as well for that.” He concluded “To you, it is a book and it is cheap to rant about it. To me, it is my life and I am still living it.”

Tyler 的妻子 Stefanie 在一封电子邮件中回应了这个故事，“作为一名治疗师和 Westover 家族的一员，我对 LaRee 仍在采取措施诋毁她女儿感到失望。……一个家庭面对过去并选择治愈并不容易，但这是可能的。Val 和 LaRee 有很多机会保护他们的女儿。相反，他们选择抹黑她并保护自己。他们仍在选择那个。”
——
Tyler’s wife Stefanie responded in an email for this story, “As a therapist and a member of the Westover family, I am disappointed that LaRee is still taking steps to discredit her daughter. … It’s not easy for a family to confront the past and choose healing, but it is possible. Val and LaRee were given many opportunities to protect their daughter. Instead, they have chosen to discredit her and protect themselves. They are still choosing that.”

我的回忆录 这本书是我的回忆录–几年来，我一直知道我有一天会写出这样的回忆录。但让我们在这里把话说清楚。在这个时候写我的回忆录的部分动力，但只是部分动力，是我们女儿的书《受教育》的出版。我想讲述我真正生活的故事。我想让我的孙子们知道他们的祖母是谁，曾经是谁，我想成为他们生活中的一股善的力量。此外，我还感到有一种强烈的愿望，那就是为家庭教育、草药和保守的基督教生活方式照亮准确的光芒。自我出版 自我出版一本书和向出版商提交手稿有很大的不同。一个重要的区别是，当作者与出版商签约时，作者可能至少放弃了对书中内容的一些控制。最终的编辑决定权往往在出版商手中，即使这些决定与作者的愿望相悖。作者和出版商的动机可能并不总是一致的。我的梦想 由于Covid-19的出现，正在实施的教育变革正在改变人们对教育的看法。各地的父母现在承担了更多教育孩子的责任，他们发现以这种方式日复一日地与孩子互动是多么具有挑战性，也是多么有意义。我看到父母对他们孩子的教育有着和我们当年一样的渴望。我也看到了大量的挫折，因为家庭试图确定什么对他们最有效。我告诉这些苦恼的家长，临时代替老师的工作与把家庭教育作为一种生活方式来对待是不一样的，随着他们的工作进展，会越来越容易。我非常钦佩他们，因为他们承担了这一任务，在具有挑战性的情况下进行了调整并取得了最佳效果。我希望这本书能在某种程度上鼓励那些正在挣扎的人。
拉里-韦斯特弗出生在爱达荷州东南部，在公立学校和杨百翰大学上学。她有一颗好奇的心，关于她早年的故事常常以她说：”我可以自己做！”结束。她和她的丈夫瓦尔是7个孩子的父母，他们都在家里接受教育。六个孩子后来接受了更正规的教育，其中三个获得了博士学位。她的家庭，现在包括36个孙子，是她生命中的快乐 LaRee做了大量的准备工作，并做了几年的助产士。她已经出版了四本关于顺势疗法、草药疗法和精油的书籍，为价值数百万美元的企业Butterfly Express服务。作为一个无可救药的乐观主义者和完美的勤奋工作者，拉里继续通过教授替代性保健方式的课程来分享她的知识和经验。她是耶稣基督后期圣徒教会的积极成员，与她的丈夫在爱达荷州克里夫顿生活了45年。

我相信，当人们觉得自己被误解时，应该听他们说出来，但这本书的写法说实话，只是觉得是对塔拉-韦斯特弗在《受教育》中的叙述的确认。
这本书的自我吹嘘程度令人吃惊。我相信每个故事都有一定的真实性，但作者的神奇治疗能力、宗教启示和法庭征服的夸张故事都把作者和她的丈夫描绘成完美无缺、道德完美的天才，但却被他们的社区悲惨地误解了。这让人无法相信。
当作者确实认识到自己的缺陷时，通常是（可疑的）她没有在某种情况下对丈夫表现出适当的 “忠诚 “或敬畏。人们强烈地感觉到，她的丈夫在构建本书所提供的叙事中发挥了重要作用。
我感到不安的是，作者试图破坏和解释塔拉所有关于虐待和被虐待的说法。作者基本上认为，塔拉在《受教育》中报告的虐待行为一定没有真正发生，因为（1）塔拉喜欢和虐待她的人在一起，以及（2）塔拉太活泼了，不会被虐待。与任何专门研究虐待问题的心理健康专家交谈都会发现，这两种论证方式都有很大的误导性，都在延续关于虐待的破坏性神话。
这本书的一个重要主题是对没有得到足够的赞誉的不满情绪。例如，在第293页，我们了解到，Westovers夫妇看到塔拉在一篇文章中因其学术成就而受到赞扬，而这篇文章并没有将这些成就归功于她的教养，他们对此感到很委屈。令人震惊的是，作者为她孩子的所有成功承担责任，却不为他们的挣扎承担责任。她把这些成功作为她出色的养育方式的证据，而没有把挣扎视为父母缺点的证据。这种事情让人很难相信作者在全书中对赞美和指责的多重分配。
这本书，与《教育》不同，是自行出版的。因此，它没有像塔拉的书那样经过广泛的独立事实核查。出于这个原因，我对这本书中的所有事实主张都持谨慎态度。
这本书作为操纵、自欺欺人和自以为是的实物课很有意思。作者否认这本书的目的是反驳《受教育》中的说法，但精明的读者可以发现几乎每一页都试图这样做。我对花钱收到这本书感到有点内疚，因为我不想支持这个家族的生意，现在我已经听到了更多关于它的消息，所以也许这篇评论可以鼓励其他人不要犯我的错误。
原文：
I believe in hearing people out when they feel they have been misrepresented, but the way this book was written honestly just felt like confirmation of Tara Westover’s account in Educated.
This book is astonishingly self-aggrandizing. I’m sure the stories each have a grain of truth, but the overblown tales of the author’s miraculous healing abilities, religious revelations, and courtroom conquests all depict the author and her husband as flawless, morally perfect geniuses who are tragically misunderstood by their community. It defies belief.
When the author does recognize a flaw in herself, it is (suspiciously) usually that she failed to show appropriate “loyalty” or deference to her husband in some situation. One has the strong impression that her husband had a heavy hand in constructing the narrative that’s offered in this book.
I was disturbed by the author’s attempts to undermine and explain away all of Tara’s claims of abuse and and mistreatment. The author essentially argues that the abuse Tara reports in Educated must not have really happened because (1) Tara liked spending time with her abuser, and (2) Tara was too spunky to have been abused. A conversation with any mental health expert who specializes in abuse will reveal that both of these lines of argumentation are deeply misguided and both perpetuate damaging myths about abuse.
A significant theme in this book is a sense of grievance about not receiving adequate credit. For example, on p. 293, we learn that the Westovers were aggrieved to see Tara receive praise for her scholarly accomplishments in an article that did not attribute those accomplishments to her upbringing. It was striking that the author takes responsibility for all of her children’s successes, but not for their struggles. She appeals to these successes as evidence of her excellent parenting, without seeing the struggles as evidence of parental shortcomings. This kind of thing makes it difficult to trust the author’s manifold assignments of praise and blame throughout the book.
This book, unlike Educated, was self-published. As such, it did not undergo the kind of extensive independent fact-checking that Tara’s book did. For this reason, I took all the factual claims in this book with a grain of salt.
The book is interesting as an object lesson in manipulation, self-delusion, and self-righteousness. The author denies that the purpose of this book is to refute the claims in Educated, but astute readers can find attempts to do just that on nearly every page. I sort of feel guilty about having paid to receive a copy because I don’t want to support the family’s business now that I’ve heard more about it, so maybe this review can encourage someone else not to make my mistake.

将这个家庭故事称为“复杂”是一种轻描淡写的说法。有些兄弟姐妹还没有读过“受过教育”。一些人仍然与塔拉保持联系。所有人都在某种程度上与他们的父母保持联系，包括塔拉，但通过电子邮件，而不是面对面。
对 Val 和 LaRee 来说，和解意味着 Tara 会“回家”，不是留下来，而是再次成为家庭的一员。阿特金律师建议他们在本书出版时以诽谤罪起诉塔拉，但他们拒绝了。他说他们告诉他，“如果我们这样做，我们可能会永远失去我们的女儿。” 他补充道，“他们可能是对的。有几次记者会打电话给我，而我（Val 和 LaRee）的指示总是，’不要说 Tara 的任何坏话。不要做任何可能让她有朝一日难以回家的事情。” 
这个家庭能否从伤害中恢复过来？“我认为我们都很好，除了 Tara，”Valaree 说。“而且我认为她不想回家。所以在这一点上它并不真正相关。她不想有家庭关系。” 
有塔拉不认识的侄女和侄子，她错过了生日和假期。没有最后道别就死去的祖父母。一月初，塔拉出人意料地出现在普雷斯顿参加她祖父的葬礼。她留在教堂的后面，和几个家庭成员交谈，但没有和她的父母交谈。她已经告诉他们她不会来了。LaRee 说，“（我们）意识到她不想让我们知道，所以同意了。” 他们的其他孩子“选择不让我们知道她离我们如此之近而我们却没有见过她”
和解在很大程度上取决于受害者想要什么，查理健康的联合创始人兼首席临床官卡罗琳·芬克尔 (Caroline Fenkel) 说，查理健康是一家面向青少年和年轻人的虚拟心理健康诊所。“我认为有很多人会在圣诞节回家过节，但遭到家人的虐待，他们从未谈论过这件事，并且打算永远不谈论这件事，”她告诉我。“然后还有其他受害者永远不想踏进他们被虐待的那所房子。并且在谈论、讨论和承认之前不想有任何关系。”
约书亚·科尔曼 (Joshua Coleman) 谈到和解时说，“责任由父母承担。” 他们必须“以无拘无束的方式”承担责任。科尔曼补充道，“他的叙述并不是真正关于父母的经历，如果他们想要和解的话。这真的很同情孩子的经历，理解他们为什么会有这种感觉。” 提出指控并与父母断绝关系的成年子女掌握着所有的底牌。孩子觉得疏远“正在为他们工作，否则他们会和解。……对于父母来说，这都是不利的。都是损失。都是耻辱。都是自责，自责。都是遗憾。都是恐惧。所以父母必须采取主动。”
Valaree 暗示她的家人愿意。她说，整体治疗家族企业帮助 Westover 家族了解 Tara。“我们试图帮助人们了解他们所处的位置，”Valaree 解释道。“这样做的一部分是要了解他们记住的内容可能准确也可能不准确，这并不重要。重要的是他们的感受。” Valaree 说，特别是对于 Tara，“重要的是她的感受以及如何帮助她克服困难。但我认为她不想越过它。”
在 2018 年接受 Deseret News 采访时，塔拉说，在撰写“受过教育”之前，她关注媒体中有关家庭疏远和忠诚度的故事：“我觉得我们有关于家庭忠诚度的故事；当你觉得对家人的忠诚与对自己的忠诚相冲突时，我觉得我们没有关于该怎么做的故事。我觉得我们有关于宽恕的故事，其中大部分故事都将和解与宽恕联系在一起。他们让和解看起来像是宽恕的最高形式，我只是不知道我是否能够与家人和解，所以我想讲一个关于宽恕但不一定是关于和解。”
关于她 2020 年 UVU 亮相的一个共同主题，塔拉说，“对我来说，我认为疏远是一件非常健康的好事。他们是我的家人。他们就是我所知道的一切，我不知何故做出了这个决定，从他们那里退后一步。”
在克利夫顿的一天结束时，在韦斯托弗家吃晚饭是大家庭的事。来访的子孙们坐满了长桌。最小的孩子围着大人转圈，瓦尔端上汤。有一些谈话，最后一家人在共享晚餐后散去。瓦尔独自坐在被塔拉称为“礼拜堂”的宽敞起居室的躺椅上，似乎被关于照片中失踪孩子的痛苦问题和仔细回答弄得筋疲力尽。
我了解到，在 Val 的遗嘱中，他选择将个人文件只留给一个孩子：Tara。他认为“在我所有的孩子中，她最不了解我。”